Dear Dad

What do I do when my heart has a mind of it's own and won't let go
What do I do when my mind keeps running through the same thoughts intermittently
What do I do when my heart won't listen to the wisdom of my head
Father what do I do.

What do I do when my heart says no
What do I do when I still reel with feelings I shouldn't have
What do I when how I feel doesn't make sense
Father what do I do

What do I do when my head and heart are in constant debacle
What do I do when I've tried all I can
What do I do when wisdom of the heart eludes me
Father how do I let go

The only common ground between my heart and my head is you
I trust you with all I know, all I have, and all I am
I trust that you have back
I trust that you love me so
I trust that everything is under your control- my heart my head my soul
I trust that you are God
I trust that you are my father too
I trust you to take care of me

I know what to do Father, I trust you.

Heart on Canvas

If I could pour out my heart on canvas,

 it'd be a wheel of spirals, colours blending together but each one distinctly bulging out. There'd be colours that can only be mixed in heavens colour shop.

There'd be candy floss pink, storm blue, cloud gray, flushed magenta and a heavenly white.

There'd be splashes of moss green and coal black, touches of fine red, coarse beige, pure gold and stained yellow. There'd be a heavenly flow of butter scotch red and grass brown, crystal, violet and orange too.

 There'd be tomato white and carrot red, orange purple and spinach blue. River red, sky pink and mountain gold. Sunrise lavender and rose green, fire black and water cream.

There'd be joy, sadness, peace, storm.

There'd be sane, insane, wisdom and folly.

 There'd be laughter, tears, aches and scars.

There'd be pain, grief, ecstasy and bliss.

Above all, there'd be a flood of love, and you know what I think, it does cover a multitude if sins.

The Mystery of Me

You see a lot of me but you still can't describe me
You hear a lot if what I say but you still don't understand me
You watch the decisions I make but you still can't predict me
Don't worry it's the mystery of me.

I tell you who I am but you still don't hear
I show you who I am but you still don't see
I write who I am but you still can't read me
Don't worry it's the mystery of me

Like the magnificence of the ocean
Like the vastness of the sky
Like the tranquility of the dessert
Don't worry it's the mystery of me

Like the mysteries of the forest
Like the mysteries of life's cycle
Like the mystery of the universe
Don't worry it's the mystery of me

I'm not asking you to hear me
I'm not asking you to see me
I'm not asking you to read me
Just know, it's the mystery of me

It's the glory of God to conceal a thing
It's the honour of kings to search it out
If you are my king then,
You must understand the mystery of me

Happy 1st October

 Happy 1st October
I woke up this morning to embark on a journey, a journey that'll only last a day. I walk from my flat in a medium cost housing estate in which the cost of living there is gradually escalating even though the facilities which are almost non existent are gradually deteriorating. I have to walk a few metres to the busstop because I do nor have car although I pass through a garage of six cars belonging to one man or rather boy just a few years older than I am, i won't have wondered at his wealth if he didnt stay home on his computer all day doing God knows what. People say it's 'yahoo' and I'm puzzled, does he work for yahoo or something?.  Anyway I get to the busstop and I'm wondering what school kids are doing hanging around the busstop because closing time is a long way off and every one that age is in class. Out of concern I pull one of them aside and he gives me this look of disdain characteristic of Ill-brought up kids, I ask him why he is not in class at this time of day and just before running off he tells me that their teacher has not been in class for the past week and the principal can't be bothered. I get in the rickety old bus that is definitely in no condition to be on the road driven by a man who thinks he's sitting behind the wheels of a 2009 maybach model, shouting at anyone and every driver on the rode who annoys him even a little not considering the fact that he himself is breaking a hundred and one traffic rules. On my way i look out the cracked window enjoying the view of crammed neigjborhoods and structures at everything turn. Before long, the bus comes to slow stop and we aré greeted by a barricade of policemen who seem to be collecting some kind of of duty from the driver but i'm wondering why no receipt is being issued.....strange! Anyway before long we are on our way again. We travel for another one hour because of the numerous potholes and the irresponsibility of Nigerian drivers because most have no clue of the most basic of traffic rules. I finally arrive at my destination, as I scream 'owa' I am made to jump down from the moving vehicle just when I thought o should be angry, the bus conductor yells insults after me for being slow and such an 'ajebota'. I've barely walked five minutes before i'm startled by the sound of a wailing mother, her child has been missing for days and the police stand around helpless. My heart mourns for her. I keep walking and I keep passing men, women, and children whose livelihood is begging on the streets, I'm appalled at their standard of leaving. I give some of them money but how much can I give, I also wonder why people pass without giving even a little money. I stop someone to ask and he tells me that some of them are paid to help ritualists 'jazz' and kidnapp unsuspecting victims. At this point I couldn't have been more disturbed. I keep walking anyway, I stop by in a hospital pharmacy to pick up some medication and i'm puzzled at the darkness of the hallways, I ask a nurse why the lights are off, she looks at me like I fell off the moon and replied 'what do you mean what happened to the light?, NEPA has taken light now' and then she adds 'maybe they'll bring it later at night if they are happy'. I stare at her in disbelief as she walks off obviously ticked off by my question. On my way out I see a line up of patients obviously in emergency conditions waiting for 'God knows what', I walk out saddened. Anyway I continue on my journey, I pass through a local government office where voting exercise is taking place and I stop by briefly observing the process and I observe 2 voters in some kind of dilema, wondering if I could help i advance towards them but I stop in my tracks because their trying to figure out who to vote for based on how much they'd been given by the candidates and who is most likely to share something they called the 'national cake', just as I was leaving, someone hurriedly brushed pass me and as I recover from the shock of almost toppling over I see a group of men running off into the distance with some ballot boxes, I thought it ridiculous because armed officials were standing close by and didn't even so much as chase them, at this point I honestly expected someone so come out and shout 'smile, you're on candid camera!!' or 'you've just been punked!' but after 10 minutes it dawned on me that it was 'realer' than reality. I kept walking and after about 5 minutes I reached my destination, it was an orphanage home overfilled with kids that had no parents who loved them, no home, no glimmer of hope in their eyes, and seemingly no future. I drop all the things I brought for them spend time with them listening at the dreams they nuture in their heart but with no hope because they do not see how they can get good education seeing that the public schools they attend does not avail them and even when they do finish school, no matter how brilliant they are,  'making it' in this country has now become a thing of who you know. I express my love to them in tears and as I return to my humble abode I ask myself one question, 'Is this my home?'.

The Ultimate Choice

The ultimate choice
There was once a man, he loved the lord with all of his heart. He walked with God and nothing would ever disobey the one he loved so much.  On a certain day, God told this man to up and leave with only his immediate family and property. Do not think it was an easy decision for him to make because unlike the present day no one ever wanted to leave the comfort of their families. The Lord asked him to up and leave but didn't tell him where he was going, but he left anyway.
Years passed and this man remained faithful to the Lord like no one else ever could but there was one thing amiss, he had no child to call his own. God had told him to wait but he went and did something stupid and had a child with someone who wasn't his wife ( that's a story for another day). That wasn't the child God intended for him so you can be sure that it didn't end well. He and his wife were still childless and they kept growing really old. It's funny how God works, he just loves suprises. Anyway on a certain day, some angels ( really cool if I might add) brought a message from the Lord that they were going to have a baby boy, and although his wife Sarah was a bit silly at first, they eventually came around and they couldn't be more thrilled so they called him Isaac for he had indeed brought laughter into their homes.
Now time passed and Isaac grew to be strong, handsome and loved by all and his parents would never let him out of their sight. God saw how much he loved Isaac and how his world began to revolve him and the Lord then asked this man to kill his only son- Isaac.
At this point I hoped God would say that he was joking but being God and all, that was impossible. The most suprising thing was that Abraham got up without a question and prepared for the journey that'll culminate in the death of his beloved Isaac.
As they went on that journey I could imagine the tears that ran down this man's cheeks, the saddness in his heart and the weakness in his limbs over the fact that he would loose what he most treasured ont his earth- his son. Despite all these feelings he pressed on, determined to fufill the task assigned to him by the one who he loved even more than his son.
I'd stop here because we all know the end of this tale. The man was Abraham. He is one of the greatest men in the bible not because he didn't make stupid mistakes or he didn't follow bad advice, even God had go scold him on occasion, but because he made the ultimate choice, he chose to love God more than he loved anyone or anything else- more than the life of his son,  more than his own wife, more than his reputation and finally much much more than he loved himself.
The ultimate choice - can you make it?

The Story of a Seed

The Story of the Seed
There was once a seed called 'the seed' owned by a farmer  the farmer stored the seed waiting for the right season. But the seed always complained to the farmer," hey, let me outta here. When are you going to plant me so that I can be free to grow like other seeds. I want out of this boring old store house, it looks to me like you don't know what you're doing". Anyway the farmer ignores the seed but when the right season comes around and all is prepared, he sows the seed. Trust the seed to say something stupid like "whew! Finally out! Now I can enjoy the sun and rain", but before the seed can complete the thought, the farmer dumps earth on the seed and it graduallye begins to sink far away from the sun it longed for
. Once again, as expected the seed complains it says, "hey mr farmer, it's dark down here, the water is mucky, and the earth is seriously trying to choke me to death" but the farmer still ignores the seed.
Days pass and there's not a day that passes that the seed doesn't complain to the farmer about how he sees his friends close to the surface basking in the sun while he is stuck down here looking at their bottoms.
On a certain day, the seed began to cry out "I'm dying here!  My back is splitting and some funny things are growing out of me, Help me please I want out!". Hearing the voice of the seed, the farmer smiles and returns home. The seed couldn't believe it's eyes, it was convinced that the one who he called his farmer hated him, wanted him to suffer and die eventually.
Weeks and months pass, the pain becomes unbearable because instead of growing up like the others he was growing downwards, deeper and deeper and deeper into the earth. The seed continued to complain but everyday the farmer came to check on the seed all he did was smile an walk away. The seed was convinced that the farmer despised him greatly because he didn't bring it out of it's misery.
Then one bright beautiful sunny day when hope was almost lost it could see the skies their beautiful blue and the rainbow. With each week that passed it grew closer and closer to the heavens. It looks at itself admiring how beautiful it is, and thinking to itself, "whew! Glad I didn't die in there, no thanks to that stupid farmer". The farmer stops coming and watches it grow beautifully magnificent from a distance.
The seed grows big strong and fruitful like it's other friends but still despises the farmer. It'd always make a mess of it's leaves and look down on the farmer when he comes to clean it up, mocking and jeering, but all the farmer does as always is look up and smile.
Time and time again he's friends fill his heart with stories about how they had it good in the beginning, enjoying the freedom the rain and the sun gave them, the more he heard the tales, the more he hated the farmer- his farmer.
However on one particular day, the clouds began to go grey like every other normal rainy day, the wind tossed and turned like troubled man asleep. The seed and it's friend's were getting ready for the rain swaying in the wind as normal, but all of the sudden the clouds became even darker, the wind  like a possesed raving lunatic. It was an evening of chaotic elements clashing strongly against each other and each of the huge magnificient trees tried all the tactics they could come up with to remain rooted to the ground but the wind was just too strong and violent and the heavy rain beat agaainst them and weakened their barks and right before the seeds very eyes he saw his friends topple over one after the other. However he noticed that no matter how strong the wind blew, he was firmly rooted to the ground and because of that his branches were strong and not even a single one of them snapped. And then, after the long fiendish night of ferrocious wind and rain, the morning finally came, it was sunny, bright  and warm. The seed couldn't have been more glad to see the morning but along with his joy came the sadness a d grief of loosing the friends around him.
It continuosly wondered why it had made it but not his friends, and then he saw an old tree which had been for a long time, even before he was planted which survived the winds and then he asked. " hey old tree! Got any idea why we survived and the others didn't?, I'm really confused" the old tree replied " first off, don't call me old!, and the only reason why you and the remaining of us survived was because of our roots, you have your farmer to thank for that. The other simply had lazy greedy farmers who wanted their seeds to grow quickly so they were planted without preparation and in the wrong season and not buried deep enough to grow strong unbreakable roots or thick and resolute barks like we have". The seed was still a bit confused so the tree continued, " I know it may have been difficult in your early stages and it seemed like your farmer hated you, but it was only the love he had for you that caused him to take his time to sow you properly. He didn't care that you hated him although it would have hurt him terribly all because he knew this day would come. So he sacrificed receiving and love from you and gave all his love to you just  so you could live  today".
And so the seed became sad recalling all the mean things he'd done and said to the farmer over the years and he could feel the farmers heart rip out at every one of those instances. The seed shed much tears, so much so that no one would think that it had only just been raining, he was so full of pain at the thought of the pain he had caused his farmer.
The farmer watched from the seed from the farm house and was troubled when he saw his beloved seed shedding tears, he had no idea about the discussion between the old tree and his beloved. He ran out to make sure his beloved was alright, but as he approached he saw the look in it's eyes and knew that the truth had been revealed. His heart filled with warmth at the sight of his beloved seed now a full blown tree of magnificent beauty shedding uncontrollable tears. The seed saw his farmer running to him and all of a sudden all he could see was love, the seed was sad. How could someone it treated so badly love him so, but at that moment the farmer gave him a look that conveyed more words than eternity could hold, and then the seed knew, the only thing that mattered now was that his farmer loved him and he did his farmer- with every sap in xylem, and everything else was forgotten, gone with the wind.